Are couples who live together more likely to divorce?
|
Surprising new research shows that couples who marry in their twenties have a high rate of success if they have not previously cohabited. Show The familiar adage about how to get to Carnegie Hall doesn’t apply to every area of life. Practice, in fact, does not always make perfect. When it comes to marriage we may have to write a different story. A recent piece in the Wall Street Journal suggests something that runs contrary to popular belief. To quote psychologist Galena Rhoades of the University of Denver, “We generally think that having more experience is better…. But what we find for relationships is just the opposite. Having more experience is related to having a less happy marriage later on.” While in most cases, marriages are more successful if entered into in our late twenties or early thirties, there is one significant exception. The research shows that couples who marry in their twenties have a high rate of success if they have not previously cohabited.
Living together before marriage (the aforementioned Carnegie Hall strategy) actually seems to diminish the chances of a successful committed relationship. In fact, women who cohabit before marriage are 15% more likely to divorce, and if their partner was not their future spouse, that rate rises dramatically to more than 50%. The authors of the piece (Brad Wilcox of the National Marriage Project in Denver and Lyman Stone from the Institute for Family Studies) speculate as to the reasons (no solid research) and we can speculate right along with them. One theory is that there is too much opportunity for comparison. So-and-so did more housework. So-and-so always brought me flowers. You know how this game goes, and how destructive it is. The other suggestion is that the novelty is gone. There really is something to the newness of it all, to the sharing of even the mundane tasks of building a home together. It’s exciting the first time, a little less so the second and a dull, tedious chore by the third. Building a relationship is a lot of work. It requires commitment (already lacking to some degree in those who are cohabiting instead of marrying) and it requires shared efforts to build a home and relationship, to grow together. Conversations had while washing and drying dishes may actually be opportunities for real connection. Deciding where to put the furniture provides a chance to test your ability to work as a team (actually maybe don’t start with that). Figuring out the likes and dislikes of your partner, settling on how to spend your leisure time, what to cook, where to vacation, what newspaper to subscribe to can all be the building blocks of a marriage. And I’m not even addressing the more profound issues. Long night conversations by the fire or the beach or wherever those conversations take place help deepen and cement our relationships. They’re just not as exciting, and perhaps not as meaningful, if you’ve been down this road multiple times before. Another possible factor, not discussed in the piece, is the difference between a real commitment and a lack thereof. Real commitments are more serious – and therefore more complicated. Real commitments make greater demands. Real commitments require more giving, more sharing, greater vulnerability and greater effort. Real commitments are just not the same as cohabiting, whether you subscribe to the practice (noun, not verb!) or not. It used to be a revolutionary step for people to cohabit prior to marriage. Now it would be a revolutionary step to do otherwise. But it’s possible. And now there’s some evidence that suggests it’s also in your self-interest. Photo Credit: Quaid Lagan, Unsplash.com As more U.S. adults are delaying marriage – or forgoing it altogether – the share who have ever lived with an unmarried partner has been on the rise. Amid these changes, most Americans find cohabitation acceptable, even for couples who don’t plan to get married, according to a new Pew Research Center survey. Even so, a narrow majority says society is better off if couples in long-term relationships eventually get married. The survey also examines how adults who are married and those who are living with an unmarried partner are experiencing their relationships. It finds that married adults are more satisfied with their relationship and more trusting of their partners than those who are cohabiting.  The share of U.S. adults who are currently married has declined modestly in recent decades, from 58% in 1995 to 53% today. Over the same period, the share of adults who are living with an unmarried partner has risen from 3% to 7%. While the share who are currently cohabiting remains far smaller than the share who are married, the share of adults ages 18 to 44 who have ever lived with an unmarried partner (59%) has surpassed the share who has ever been married (50%), according to a Pew Research Center analysis of the National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG).1 Views about marriage and cohabitation are also linked to religious affiliation. About three-quarters of Catholics (74%) and white Protestants who do not self-identify as born-again or evangelical (76%) say it’s acceptable for an unmarried couple to live together even if they don’t plan to get married. By contrast, only 47% of black Protestants and 35% of white evangelical Protestants share this view. And while half or more across these groups say society is better off if couples who want to stay together long-term eventually get married, white evangelicals are the most likely to say this (78% do so). Among those who are not religiously affiliated, fully nine-in-ten say cohabitation is acceptable even if a couple doesn’t plan to get married, and just 31% say society is better off if couples who want to stay together eventually get married. The nationally representative survey of 9,834 U.S. adults was conducted online June 25-July 8, 2019, using Pew Research Center’s American Trends Panel.2 The survey includes 5,579 married adults and 880 adults who are living with an unmarried partner. It includes married and cohabiting adults in same-sex relationships. 3 Among the other key findings: Married adults have higher levels of relationship satisfaction and trust than those living with an unmarried partnerMarried adults also express higher levels of satisfaction with their relationship. About six-in-ten married adults (58%) say things are going very well in their marriage; 41% of cohabiters say the same about their relationship with their partner. When asked about specific aspects of their relationship, larger shares of married than cohabiting adults say they are very satisfied with the way household chores are divided between them and their spouse or partner, how well their spouse or partner balances work and personal life, how well they and their spouse or partner communicate, and their spouse’s or partner’s approach to parenting (among those with children younger than 18 in the household). When it comes to their sex life, however, similar shares of married and cohabiting adults say they are very satisfied. Married adults are also more likely than cohabiters to say they feel closer to their spouse or partner than to any other adult. About eight-in-ten married adults (78%) say they feel closer to their spouse than to any other adult in their life; a narrower majority of cohabiters (55%) say the same about their partner. Even after controlling for demographic differences between married and cohabiting adults (such as gender, age, race, religion and educational attainment), married adults express higher levels of satisfaction, trust and closeness than those who are living with a partner. The reasons why people get married and the reasons they move in with a partner differ in some key waysAbout six-in-ten married adults (63%) say making a formal commitment was a major factor in their decision to get married. This is particularly the case among those who did not live with their spouse before getting married. Among cohabiters, about a quarter (23%) say wanting to test their relationship was a major reason why they decided to move in with their partner. Many cohabiting adults see living together as a step toward marriageAmong cohabiters who are not currently engaged, those with at least some college education are more likely than those with less education to say they saw moving in with their partner as a step toward marriage. Half of cohabiting college graduates who are not engaged – and 43% of those with some college experience – say this, compared with 28% of those with a high school diploma or less education. About four-in-ten cohabiting adults who are not currently engaged (41%) say they want to get married someday. Of this group, 58% say they are very likely to marry their current partner, while 27% say this is somewhat likely and 14% say it’s not too or not at all likely that they will marry their partner. About a quarter of non-engaged cohabiters (24%) say they don’t want to get married, and 35% aren’t sure. Two-thirds of cohabiters who want to get married someday cite either their own or their partner’s finances as a reason why they’re not engaged or marriedRoughly four-in-ten cite not being far enough along in their job or career as a major or minor reason why they’re not engaged or married to their partner. Similar shares say they (44%) or their partner (47%) not being ready to make that kind of commitment is at least a minor reason why they’re not engaged or married, though more cite their partner not being ready, rather than themselves, as a major reason (26% vs. 14%). Younger adults are more likely to see cohabitation as a path to a successful marriageAbout half of U.S. adults (48%) say couples who live together before marriage have a better chance of having a successful marriage than those who don’t live together before marriage; 13% say couples who live together before marriage have a worse chance of having a successful marriage and 38% say it doesn’t make much difference. Adults who lived with their spouse before they were married are much more likely than those who didn’t to say that couples who live together have a better chance of having a successful marriage (57% vs. 24%, respectively). About a third of married adults who didn’t live with their spouse before marriage (32%) say cohabitation worsens a couple’s chance of having a successful marriage, while 44% say it doesn’t make much difference. A majority of Americans say cohabiting couples can raise children just as well as married couplesWhite non-evangelical Protestants (57%) and black Protestants (59%) are far more likely than white evangelicals (33%) to say cohabiting couples can raise children as well as those who are married. There are also differences among Catholics: 73% of Hispanic Catholics – compared with 48% of white Catholics – say cohabiting and married couples can raise children equally well. Views on this are also linked to partisanship. Overall, 73% of Democrats and those who lean Democratic say cohabiting couples can raise children just as well as married couples; 41% of Republicans and those who lean to the GOP say the same. These gaps persist even when taking religion and age, which are strongly linked to partisanship, into account. Cohabiting adults (82%) are far more likely than those who are married (52%) to say couples who are living together but are not married can raise children as well as married couples. Cohabiters with and without children younger than 18 in the household are about equally likely to hold this view. Most Americans favor allowing unmarried couples to have the same legal rights as married couplesAbout three-quarters of Democrats (77%) favor allowing unmarried couples to enter into these types of legal agreements. In contrast, Republicans are about evenly divided, with 50% saying they favor and 49% saying they oppose this. Most don’t see being married as essential to living a fulfilling lifeFar larger shares see
having a job or career they enjoy as essential in order for a man (57%) or a woman (46%) to live a fulfilling life. One-in-five say having a lot of money is essential for a man, while 15% say it is essential for a woman. When it comes to having children, 22% see it as essential in order for a woman to live a fulfilling life; 16% say this is essential for a man. References to whites, blacks and Asians include only those who are non-Hispanic and identify as only one race. Asians include Pacific Islanders. Hispanics are of any race. For the most part, the views and experiences of Asians are not analyzed separately in this report due to sample limitations. In the analysis of Current Population Survey data in chapter 1, data for Asians are shown separately. Data for Asians and other racial and ethnic groups are incorporated into the general population figures throughout the report. References to college graduates or people with a college degree comprise those with a bachelor’s degree or more. “Some college” includes those with an associate degree and those who attended college but did not obtain a degree. “High school” refers to those who have a high school diploma or its equivalent, such as a General Education Development (GED) certificate. All references to party affiliation include those who lean toward that party: Republicans include those who identify as Republicans and independents who say they lean toward the Republican Party, and Democrats include those who identify as Democrats and independents who say they lean toward the Democratic Party. A person is considered to have “at least one shared child” if there is a child age 18 or younger residing in the household who is the biological child of themselves and their present spouse or partner. If a person does not have any “shared children,” but does have other children ages 18 or younger in the household – for instance, a spouse’s child from a prior marriage, an adopted child or a foster child – then the person is considered to have “child(ren) from other relationships.” Does living together increased divorce rate?In fact, on average, researchers found that couples who cohabited before marriage had a 33 percent higher chance of divorcing than couples who moved in together after the wedding ceremony.
Do people who live together before marriage get divorced more?Rosenfeld and Roesler also showed something new in their 2018 study: cohabitation before marriage was associated with a lower risk of divorce in the first year of marriage but a higher risk thereafter.
What percent of couples who live together before marriage get divorced?18.7 percent of those who cohabitated before getting engaged have suggested divorce at some point in their marriage compared to 10.2 percent of those who did not live together before marriage. 12.3 percent of those who lived together after engagement have brought up divorce at some point in their marriage.
Why are couples who live together before marriage more likely to divorce?“Some couples move in together without really having a plan for their relationship, and they can 'wind up' getting married even though they may not have if they hadn't been living together,” she says. Which in turn leads to a lower degree of marital satisfaction and a higher risk of divorce.
|
