Which of the following does not qualify as a form of aggressive communication?
Many people use these two terms interchangeably, but there are important differences in what it means to be assertive vs. aggressive. See below for examples of assertive communication and some helpful tips. Show
What Is Assertiveness?Assertiveness is a helpful way of communicating that is clear, direct, and constructive. It’s built on the understanding that your own needs and another’s needs are both important to consider, and that both deserve to be respected. What Is Aggressiveness?Aggressiveness, on the other hand, is a way of communicating where you try to control the behavior of others. You put your own needs first, without any consideration for the other person’s needs. Benefits of AssertivenessAssertiveness doesn’t come easily for many people, but it is an important skill for everyone to learn. Why is assertiveness so important? It helps you do the following:
How are being assertive and aggressive different?Some people may shy away from being assertive out of fear of being aggressive. This is because being assertive can feel like being aggressive when it’s new or unfamiliar. But assertiveness and aggressiveness are not the same. Assertive communication shows respect for others’ needs; aggressive communication does not. It is respectful, clear, and firm. This includes listening to the other person and showing interest or concern. Aggressive communication can include making demands of someone without listening to them. Sometimes it involves shouting, interrupting, or talking over others. Bullying is also a form of aggressiveness. Because aggressive communication doesn’t respect other’s needs, it usually hurts feelings and can damage relationships. Assertive Communication TipsLearning to communicate assertively takes practice, but anyone can learn to be more assertive. Here are some tips for assertive communication:
Example of Assertive Vs. Aggressive CommunicationConsider the following scenario: Sam was excited to cook a meal, and went into the kitchen. Once there, Sam found that his roommate, Alina, had left the kitchen filthy, with the sink full of dirty dishes, including all of the utensils Sam needed to cook his meal. Leaving the kitchen dirty went against their “house rules,” and Sam knew he’d have to approach Alina about the situation. Example: aggressive communicationHere’s an example of how Sam might communicate aggressively in addressing this with Alina: Sam: “Alina! This kitchen is an absolute mess! What makes you think you can just leave it like this? I can’t do the cooking I wanted to do now.” Alina: “I’m sorry — I got busy and had to head out before—” Sam (interrupting): “I don’t care if you were busy! You know the house rules the same as I do — you have to leave the kitchen clean after you use it.” Alina: “Why are you making such a big deal about this?!” Example: assertive communicationNow, here’s an example of how Sam might use assertiveness in addressing this with Alina: Sam: “Hey Alina. When I went into the kitchen to cook, I found the countertop and all of the utensils I needed were dirty from you using them. I’m pretty upset because now I can’t do the cooking I was looking forward to.” Alina: “I’m sorry about that — I got busy and had to head out earlier before I had a chance to clean everything up, and then I forgot when I got home.” Sam: “Ok, I get that — I know things have been hectic for you lately. Now that you’re back home, can you please clean up the kitchen now so I can do my cooking later on? I would really appreciate it.” Alina: “Sure, I’ll do it in just a minute.” Key differences in being aggressive vs assertive examplesIn the second example, Sam used his assertive communication skills to let Alina know he was upset about the kitchen. He made it clear he was not okay with Alina’s behavior while also listing to her and trying to understand why she didn’t clean up the kitchen sooner. He also used “I” statements about how the dirty kitchen was affecting him, rather than placing blame on Alina. Sam also clearly stated his request for Alina to clean up in a way that was direct, but respectful. Assertiveness skills can be helpful in any type of relationship — with friends, coworkers, dating partners, and more. And yet, many people struggle with being assertive. If you’re interested in improving your ability to communicate assertively, please contact us to see if cognitive-behavioral therapy might be helpful for you in reaching this goal. Which of the following is a characteristic of an assertive communication style?ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which individuals clearly state their opinions and feelings, and firmly advocate for their rights and needs without violating the rights of others.
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